For generations, men have been taught to equate strength with silence and emotional control. While the up-and-coming gender-fluid generation might be shaking things up, the strong and silent male archetype with his reserved emotional circuitry still endures and has yet to fade completely.
Even so, a small but growing tide of men across the globe are slowly chipping away at this potent and enduring aspect of masculinity. These brave pioneers are forging a new breed of men who are more than willing to take on the challenge of exploring new territory in the realm of men’s emotional intelligence.
These men are on a mission. They want to discover new ways to handle, express, and get in touch with their feelings. They’re facing their fears head-on and finding a new sense of relief and purpose in the process. They’re voicing how they feel about life, their relationships, and other tricky aspects of a man’s existence—and what’s more, they’re doing it in the company of other men.
Traditional male responses to challenging people or circumstances often involve the “grey rock” approach, which is often passed down from father to son. This response to life events has long been considered a hallmark of what it means to be a man. However, modern science and psychology are spearheading a massive call for increased emotional awareness for the sake of our health and well-being. In their view, it’s time for us to bury the male stoic archetype and walk in newer, healthier ways.
This isn’t a gender-specific recommendation either. Today’s experts emphasize—sometimes bluntly—that anyone who does not consciously process and move beyond their emotions is more likely to develop long-term physical and mental health issues, including depression, addiction, and even autoimmune problems.
These consequences are a far cry from the days when a man’s silence and "taking it on the chin" attitude were seen as credible and authentic expressions of masculinity. The shadow side of overt stoicism has now come fully into view, revealing how it restricts and limits a man’s ability to live a full, happy, and meaningful life while acting purposefully in the world.
With this realization comes a simpler choice. Today’s men can hold on to the traditional gender roles of what it means to be a man—pretending nothing touches them while suffering in silence, making their lives shorter, more difficult, and ultimately more uncomfortable.
The alternative involves taking a risk. It means leaning into what it feels like to be a human being with a full range of emotions, so that the possibility of living a longer, happier, healthier life with better relationships can become a reality. But what’s holding men back from this? Why does the stoic male archetype still persist in the world?
One possible answer is that many men haven’t experienced or seen the benefits of opening up, sharing insecurities, and expressing emotions. Instead men often get caught up in the fear of what might happen if they express their emotional selves. While it might seem like a good idea to most, some men are still burdened by their fathers' and grandfathers' past negative experiences of showing vulnerability and voicing their emotions.
In those days, emotional expression for men often came with severe consequences. This sticky ghost lives on in the collective male psyche and is still affecting approaches to change. Some men never cross over to the other side, where male emotional expression brings positive outcomes. In that brave, new and unseen world, men are supported and encouraged when they speak. In that paradigm, upsetting others by expressing feelings isn’t a concern, and the rewards are actually quite generous.
Men who engage in emotional freedom practices often feel surges of joy, self-appreciation, gratitude, and awakening. These feelings are heightened and prolonged, especially when sharing regularly with a group where there is a strong sense of identification, sameness, and safety.
The true beauty lies in the grander scheme of things. From this perspective, men who participate in sharing circles soon discover they are engaged in much deeper work. These fortunate men realize they aren’t just surrounded by other men physically, but they are also connecting with and healing the boy within themselves. Soon, their fathers, grandfathers, and ancestors stretching back through the generations come into view. That’s when the circle of intergenerational healing opens, and it’s where the real miracles start to happen.
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